Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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