you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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