I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
