he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
