State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
