The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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