There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
