i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
