people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
