i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize