oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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