drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
