It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize