Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
whose parrot is this?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize