I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
