Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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