I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
