Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
