The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
