mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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