This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
