i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
