I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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