I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
