So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
