I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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