It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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