so that wasnt chicken after all
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
