I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
