Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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