i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
