That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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