a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
