Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
As shirtless as possible
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
