the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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