But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
