My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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