We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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