I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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