I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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