I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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