every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
