He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
