Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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