Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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