FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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