Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
