What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
