69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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