i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
