I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
