Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
