3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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