So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
