alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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