This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
