How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
