dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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