What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
