i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
