He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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