Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
