turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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