Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
