made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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